A letter to my 14 year-old daughter: How not to lose yourself in two decades (Part 3)

6. Stay out of as much trouble as possible: Also sounds cliché, but there is nothing worse than having obtaining your degree, going out for your dream job, and not being able to get it because of a mistake you made years ago. There are people with multiple degrees, outstanding work ethic and amazing resumes and still can’t find a job. If times are hard now, I can’t imagine what it’s going to be like when you graduate.  The last thing you need is to put a roadblock in your own way. Remember, sometimes the choices you make when you have no sense can haunt you forever.

5. Never let anyone take you out of your element: There will be plenty of people who will piss you off…I promise. Please know that for the same amount of people who will piss you off, there will be three times as many people watching to see your reaction. There was a comedian who was out when you were little by the name of Dave Chappell. One of his skits was entitled, “When keeping it real goes wrong”. Go on Youtube (or whatever site that’s popular now) and choose one to look at; I can show you better than I can tell you. You portray yourself as a hood rat, and even if you are not, people will treat you as such. I know you’re thinking, “…but that’s wrong” and it is…but that’s the way it is. There are going to be times when somebody is going to PISS YOU THE HELL OFF- believe me, my child, we’ve all been there. You can curse them out, slap them up and prove to them and everybody else who is watching that you can’t be played (then get in trouble, get suspended, earn a case, a bad rep, or get fired), or you can be aware of your surroundings, close your mouth, and walk away knowing that you ultimately won (and watch God's favor keep rolling in). Yes, some of your peers may call you a punk, but does their thoughts of you have any type of influence on the outcome of your life? HELL-TO-THE-NAW… 


Sidebar: If someone EVER puts their hands on you…WEAR THEIR ASSES OUT (but just enough for them to know you don’t play that shit, not to beat someone senseless or embarrass them; stay humble in all you do and remember that girl Karma) That is all. 


4. Keep your panties on!: And I’m not just saying that because I’m your mom. I’m telling you that because you are a woman, and there is nothing like a beautiful WOMAN. In this day and age of twerking, selfies, and being bombarded by songs like “My main chick” and “These hoes ain’t loyal”, I can only imagine what you are going to be faced with in your teenage years. Dating has gone to hell in a hand basket already, and it seems like being “fuck buddies” or a man getting your cookies with no commitment will be just as normal as back in the day when a young man was held to the standard of at least knocking on the door to meet the parents. I want you to know that yes, sex is natural. Sooner or later you will want to have that connection with someone, but I need you to choose wisely, my dear child. Don’t let every guy you date in your cookie jar, especially while you are in high school. Before I had the job I have now, I taught high school for 12 years, and the one piece of advice I gave countless times a year was, “What you think you want/like now, will be TOTALLY different ten years from now.” Hell, what you think you want at 15 will be VASTLY different than what floats your boat at 21. The more experiences you go through, the more mature you become and the more your interests and attractions change. The last thing I want for you is to give yourself to some lame, knot-head boy, catch something (because you still can catch something with protection), and then have to STILL be dealing with those consequences when you meet the man of your dreams ten years later. Please know at 15, 99.8% OF ALL BOYS ARE NOT MAKING ANY TYPE OF LOVE WITH YOU. He is- simply putting it- humping you, and odds are, other girls if given the opportunity. Sure, there may be exceptions to the rule, and because you are at that age, you may feel like your man is that exception, but 9.99 times out of 10, he is not. I’m gonna tell you a secret: some men that are very influential in your life grew up having a two week rule. Yes honey, a two-week rule. If the woman they were talking to/dating didn’t give it up in two weeks, then those fools were out…they moved on. Some women that are very influential in your life had a 90-day rule; they made a guy wait three months before giving up the cookies to ensure that the man was sticking around for the right reasons. If he liked her, he would wait. They waited their 90 days, and actually felt proud of themselves for their actions. Then they had the nerve to get their feelings hurt when they got dumped on the 92nd day. There is no formula to how long you wait to give your gold away, my love. I just ask that you don’t get sucked into societal norms and make your own path. Your friends may look at you like you are crazy for saying, “I don’t care if we are dating for a year, I’m not having sex with him until I graduate college and we can make a life for ourselves” or “I’m not having sex with anyone but my husband on my wedding night”. They will say, “That’s not realistic. No man is going to wait for that. You aren’t going to wait for that. No one does that anymore.” But that’s what God’s plan for all of us were. Aren’t you worth it? Of course you are. In the world we live in, I know it’s far-fetched to believe that you will listen to me on this, but once you give a piece of yourself away, unfortunately you can not get it back.  Just do me a favor- choose wisely, pray about it, and talk to me before you give anything up. And for God’s sake, puh-leease don’t ask your friends for sex advice. What the hell do they know? They are in the same boat as you, and if they are already doing it, why the hell would you ask them anything when you know damn well they are engaging in something they aren’t even ready for. You guys can’t even pee straight!  I pushed a 5 and 1/2 lb. baby out of my woman parts…doesn’t that gain me some credibility in knowing simple shit about how it works?!


Look, I can’t be there to watch your every move, but when you get 35, you will wish that you listened to me on this one…  



Spurgeon Thomas

Urbanity Life, LLC, San Diego, CA


I am a #writer#businesssystemsanalyst, and #projectmanager, specializing in community improvement and creative project management. @urbanitylifesd